The State of the Teacher's Pets Rebellion
The insane risks these people take. Someone give them a VPN before they get Snowdened! Cheer up, it's not all negative, negativity is banned from this substack.
How would you call a demonstration that is so risk-free, poses so little danger to the status quo that no harm would come if you were to partake in it?
It won’t end your career, you won’t find yourself ostracised from clubs, zero negative impact whatsoever. You can put it on your LinkedIn and your boss will like it. You can set it as your avatar.
Here’s a roundup.
Trigger warning: these dissident terrorist may have causes that are upsetting to decent people. Although it’s most likely stuff everyone agrees on.
Germany: Scientist Rebellion
That angry dude upfront would report you to HR if you told him an off-color joke
Members of the climate activist Scientist Rebellion have glued themselves to the floor of the Porsche pavilion at Volkswagen's luxury car show in Wolfsburg, Germany, and on the floor they have even gone on hunger strike.
No one was bothered by the performance, when the day was over, the staff turned off the lights and heating and closed for the evening. The demonstrators, however, took this very badly, with one protester complaining, "They refused our request to provide us with a bowl so we could urinate and defecate properly while we were glued down, and turned off the heating."
I wonder how many of these SCIENCE people cheered on the German police cracking skulls during anti-lockdown protests.
You can also sign up, with your real name, as is usual with rebels:
The letter below was written collectively by Scientist Rebellion, and outlines our positions and demands.
If you are an academic or other scientist, you can join over 200 signatories and put your name to this letter using this form or the embed form to the right of this.
Careers derailed: 0.
Physical harm: none.
People blacklisted: 0
Banned from social media: no.
It’s weird that I don’t need a TOR browser to access their website, no CloudFlare DDoS protection. The evil oiligarchs must be getting lazy with the oppression.
By carefully breaking the law through acts of civil disobedience that can include blocking roads, damage to property, and mass arrest, we not only show our defiance of the system, but also the personal price we are willing to pay when doing so.
They also had some action in the UK. Some arrests after a fun road block. If they truly want to be harassed by the powers, I have some memes they can post on the internet (not about climate change).
UK: Animal Rebellion
Vegan activists drill the wheels of trucks carrying dairy products. They damaged a number of haulers who have been unable to fulfil their orders. According to a commentary on the video, the activists want a "plant-based future" for the UK, free of meat and dairy products. 1
Film me as I commit a crime. In the Tory dystopia of UK 2022, they’re going to get… a reprimand? Maybe that’s too harsh.
The London one had some fun with the template. Fun is not allowed! This is serious! We’re dying here! Also what happened in Southampton? Did their rebellion licence get suspended?
I have a few memes for them to post on the internet if they want real trouble. (VPN recommended, not strictly about veganism, might involve a vegetarian, he was kind of a rebel.)
Extinction Rebellion: French countryside
Climate activists in southern France have filled golf course holes with cement to protest against the exemption of golf greens from water bans amid the country's severe drought. The group targeted sites near the city of Toulouse, calling golf the "leisure industry of the most privileged".
The exemption of golf greens has sparked controversy as 100 French villages are short of drinking water. Golf officials say greens would die in three days without water.2
It’s hard to see who to loath more here: the rebelling teacher’s pets or the golf course owners. To make it worse, they’re both French.
I don’t see any faces in the reporting, doing it at night also implies some risk, so I’m issuing a fatwa: as far as any “rebellion” goes, the French version is always assumed the least gay. Those people take their protests seriously. Well done, frogs! 🥉
Over the past two years, groups of young athletes practicing Parkour — a sport that consists of running, climbing and jumping over urban obstacles — have been swinging around big French cities switching off wasteful shop signs at night, in a bid to fight light pollution and save energy.
Oh yeah, the young astronomers worried about light pollution. I mean it’s fun, and you get likes on TikTok, and even a New York Times dispatch.
Way better press than the homegrown activists in Eastern Europe get (they ususally want ethnic cleansing).
I know, I’m going hard on kids. It’s the media giant using them as Rebel Students of the Month is what’s interesting.
The New York Times is a mighty powerful megaphone: if it boosts your signal, you’re no danger to the powerful. Also, if you can get pussy out of it, good for you! I can’t, with a good conscience, ever condemn a grifter, and this parkour shit with all the climate signalling is perfectly timed and executed, so I’m giving them a gold medal: 🥇
Just Stop Oil, London
What’s to add to this story. It’s kind of brave, actually. There’s a real risk they’re going to get dragged through the justice system… just kidding, of course they gonna get away with this.
Who would dare to prosecute such noble human trash as these two are. The cause! Oil bad! I agree, ladies.
I have a few memes they could post in the UK, with a UK IP address, that would also shock the public. They have as much to do with hydrocarbon energy as Van Gogh does.
Germany: Last Generation
Back to Germany, where the rebellion follows the Brits above in Ordnung. There’s even a press contact, beyond the Twitter and Youtube channel, and the detailed bios of the perpetrators.
Letzte Generation receives most of our funding for recruitment, training, capacity building, and education from Climate Emergency Fund.
Will they get their assets frozen, like Canadian truckers? You know the answer.
Amazon Prime’s Rebels of the Year
Hungarian doomer chimes in:
“It will seem like a childish prank compared to what the Salafists will do with European art treasures when they take power.”
Forgot the story:
KARTOFFELBREI AUF MONETS GETREIDESCHOBER – WAS IST MEHR WERT, KUNST ODER LEBEN?
This language is even scarier in all caps. I don’t need to offer them risky memes, just keep shouting in German, Germans!
End UK Private Jets
Tom Moore is hugely popular in Britain. He's been a soldier, lived to be 100 and was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in July 2020 for raising more than £32 million (around £15.5 billion) for the NHS in the wake of the Covid epidemic.
Sir Captain Tom Moore died in February 2021, was mourned by the whole country and a memorial was given to him.
This memorial has now been doused in liquid excrement by an activist.
“Every time a private jet takes off, it pours a bucket of shit and blood on everything Captain Tom stood for”3
You don’t need to be smart to be a teacher’s pet.
What’s so great about this story that even this by-far-not-the-sharpest butter knife in the drawer of a young woman also gets the zeitgeist: this climate shit is allowed. So why not do, I don’t know, something.
So she did! Something!
Emboldened by her example, I’m announcing
I’m not paying any income tax as long as private jets are allowed in Hungary. Or Hungary uses any oil. I’m doing it for the planet! For our future!
This can’t go wrong. I have super glue. If you want to join my rebellion,
and spread the word by
ing this post! ✊🌍
Why not be the first to do an essential cultural import? It’s inevitable, might as well be me.
These activists want to end meat and dairy in the UK, and usher in a plant-based future. (Facebook (!) video (!))
Just kidding, I’m a good boy. Please ignore this post, good beancounter sirs. It’s satire. Please. I even bought government bonds. I’m a good citizen. Please forgive me! In fact, I have a humble suggestion, if I may, rebrand “income tax” as “Earth tax”. It’s saving the planet, somehow.