Just a cook
Today is worth a break from living IRL and write a post.
Summer is here, and there’s nothing new to add to the news. Especially the one regarding the war next door, where a breakthrough may or may not be happening, where disinformation, or disrespect to clarity leads to the British Ministry of Defence claiming that Russians only have shovels, while the Russian Ministry of Defence claims another Leopard 2 destroyed, when it’s clearly some poor harvester left in the middle of a field. I wanted to write a post about precision strikes on Patriot batteries signifying the end of the Post-Desert Storm Era, but this sentence achieves just that. They do, what else to add?
Then comes today, the 24th of June, and wow. This Prigozhin guy has been very annoying lately, complaining since the siege of Bakhmut ended, all talk, wilder and wilder talk that people paid less and less attention to.
Then he orchestrates today’s attempted coup. Is it real, or is it a psyop? I assume it’s real. It seems like the right moment if he really had this in mind all along. The frontlines with Ukraine are holding, but the Russian armed forces (including the air force) have to man them to keep it so, and while Russian morale is recovering, Putin is still far from being vindicated. The “Special Military Operation”, to him, overall, is still an embarrassment.
It’s impossible to get the opinion of the average Russian, they’re shocked and undecided, very careful to say anything this early on. This really can go many ways. The most likely outcome is Wagner being wiped out, sure, but Prigozhin, the butt of many memes, a notorious social media bragger, today put his dick on the table, for real. That can never be taken away from him.
No one can doubt that this crazy man has balls. News (as of today, day 0, so take it with a KrAZ full of paprika) is that he’s marching on Moscow, mostly unopposed.
Putin ended COVID by starting a war, Prigozhin ended 2023’s Pride month a week early by displaying a level of masculinity so toxic that it left even the Russian public too stunned to react.
An added level of poetry to this — probably not psyop — comes from Steven Seagal, Putin’s notorious fan, who’s most famous role is Under Siege’s underestimated cook. Vlad should have known better.
This post, by its nature of being early on a chaotic mess, will age badly. Or not. It will age like a White Russian1.
Is this an insurrection?
No, of course it’s not. It’s just a bunch of veterans driving tanks towards the capital. An insurrection is a whole different level of terror: truckers blocking the roads, peasants breaking into Nancy Pelosi’s office to take selfies. The real frightening stuff.
Compared to those attacks on Our Freedoms, this is just a minor, domestic misunderstanding between a private military contractor and its client. A normal Saturday in Russia.
Did Prigozhin claim an ammo shortage to stockpile for this? We may never know. I’ll keep an eye on the news, which, for the first time in a very long while, have a positive effect on my testosterone levels, but I won’t engage in 4D chess, I’ll merely consoom.
I don’t get enjoyment from people, even grown man in uniforms being killed, which is unavoidable in these circumstances; I find enjoyment in the audacious stunt that Wagner committed itself to pull off. I admire it. It’s not a gay ass Teacher’s Pets Rebellion. It’s not vegan cultural revolutionaries loyal to the Powers gluing themselves to the road for Mommy to notice them. It’s a real rebellion.
Wherever Prigozhin’s going, he’s going with a bang. This deserves recognition.
o7
Get it, since it’s alcohol but also contains dairy.
Every time I see "Prigozhin", I read "Pierogi" (which should be alarming, but isn't... I'm just a cook)
Re: "Prigozhin ended 2023’s Pride month a week early..." — Great take! (but only in Europe; nobody's noticed yet, here in the US)